Anniversary

I have officially been in Australia for a year! It's been a beautiful year of love, laughter, sacrifice, and tears. You may not believe me, but every day is a surprise and joy for me. Even the worst day is better than my life before. Not because I had this horribly tragic life, I'm not a character in a Bronte or Dickens novel (as much as I would have enjoyed it), but because I was missing something. Before you click to close this page, yes, my name is Courtney and I'm a romance-aholic. I admit it. Most of my young life was spent with my nose in a book, I can quote all the romantic movies of my youth by heart, and the 1995 BBC version of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" is still my favorite movie ever. It's on TV this month and Ken has been kind enough to promise to sit through it without complaint! Who needs Mr. Darcy?

But back to my original point if I can remember what that was...oh yes, missing something. When I was a little girl, our entire family got together for holidays at Grandma and Granddad's. We ate and talked and the kids ran wild and everyone was happy and loved. And every year, I would sneak into the back bathroom and cry. How could I be so happy and so sad at the same time? It was fear - fear that I would never find that love I could see in the married couples around me. It was this elusive dream all through my childhood, adolescence and young adult life. And then I met Ken. We clicked, but the timing was just incredibly wrong. It took another eight years for us to make that commitment.

And now that I have that beautiful love and partnership, life is perfect right? Well, yes and no. Can you believe I'm still sneaking into the bathroom and crying? The fear is back, but it's different this time. My fear is that by following my heart and leaving my family back in Indiana, I'm actually the one being left behind. Our lives are so different and now so far apart. My niece turned 16 a couple of weeks ago! Without me?! My cousin and her family are just growing and changing so much! Without me? My Grandma is getting older and more frail and more forgetful every day. Without me? How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time? Is this what it means to be a grown-up? Does everyone feel like this? How do you get through it?

I'm learning to get through it with the love and humor my parents have passed down. And a lot of hugs from Ken. My dear Ken who took me to a beautiful dinner on our anniversary and acted just as excited as me about my new shoes for the occasion. Ken who gets up early every morning and makes sure I have hot tea and toast as soon as I wake up. Ken who makes me laugh so hard that I collapse into a puddle on the floor. And I guess that's what life is about. Making sacrifices and loving someone so much it doesn't actually feel like it's a sacrifice at all.

My family here in Australia is getting larger. Ken's son and daughter-in-law are expecting a little boy later in the year. We are all so thrilled! Bella is trying to come to terms with having a brother instead of a sister, but it'll be fantastic. I can't wait, little boys are so sweet and just to hold a baby again will be heaven! They were so lovely and brought me over a worm farm for my birthday. Julie even emailed my mom and found out my favorite type of birthday cake, then made it for me!

Life is good. It's been a wonderful year, and I can't wait to see what the future holds in store.